Psychotic Matchmaker
by sassykitten1701
Summary: What happens when you take a snarky, sarcastic dragon slayer...and mix him with a woman with a hobby that matches his closely hidden secret? Hilarity ensues!
1. Intro

Ok, folks, so it's been a while since I've posted anything, life happens, and my muse decided to take an extended vacation. She's back now...sorta...with different ideas. Still sticking her nose up at my other stories, soooo gonna see how that goes later.

I'm posting disclaimers and the summary in this post to cover the entire story without having to do a repeat in every chapter. So this one time, will cover all of it.

Anyways! Disclaimers! One, the awesome show of Fairy Tail DOES NOT BELONG TO ME it belongs to the amazing Hiro Mashima, who I bow to on a regular basis, and wish I could travel to the world he created. Two, this is going to be a multi-chapter (I have absolutely no idea how many yet, I'm hanging on for the ride here), and is rated M for language, mature content, and because, well, it's me, there's more than likely going to be lemons at some point, again, we'll see what happens. Three, the Pradesh are back! Desna is the sole creator of these amazing characters, but the plot is mine.

Now, with all of the adventure packed stories that have been popping up with them, how about something a bit different?

As you may have noticed, I did not list a pairing in the summary, for the simple fact that this pairing hasn't been done before. It's crazy, psychotic...and hopefully sweet as well. Not to mention downright terrifying. It's thanks to another writer on here, Therashae, that this idea even took on life. So here we go folks, hopefully we'll get some laughs, some cringes, maybe a bit of shuddering, and ultimately some 'awwwwws'

Cobra is a complete asshole. He's rough, tough, and just as quick to poison your ass as he is to look at you. He can hear souls, constantly likes a challenge, and secretly likes to match souls (and the people they're attached to), together for the sake of his ears, because when the souls compliment each other they mellow out.

At least, that's what he tells himself. That's his story and he's sticking to it!

He flat refuses to acknowledge that he has a secret love of matchmaking and will deny, along with a hefty dose of poison, it if you say otherwise. But what happens when this psychotic, malicious, and poisonous dragon slayer finds his mate...and realizes that she is a just as crazy woman with similar tendencies? Full of fluff, dark humor, some citrus, and scheming matchmaking, this will focus on Fairy Tail and it's sister guild of White Sea, and the fun of tricksters looking for love.


	2. Chapter 1

Endless nights, day after day of traveling, he'd spent his fair share of time wandering with the wanna be witches group, trying to atone for the all the crap that he had done in desperation, when he was still a complete fucking idiot. He'd been so certain that he had known everything, that he was right, that his actions were right for the freedom he had craved.

Oh how wrong he had been.

Now, instead, here he was, wandering, tracking down pathetic guilds that tried to claim to be dark, and beating the crap out of them. It sated his desire for violence, for blood, it sated his desire to hear the screams of pain and torture from his enemies like a cat getting scratched in just the right spot under its chin, nearly making him purr.

Biting back a growl of boredom, one poison dragon slayer by the name of Cobra rolled his head on his shoulders, taking a moment to enjoy the relief from popping his neck. He was on first watch tonight, and being up in the trees surrounding the small clearing where his rag-tag group of crazies, he had a fairly clear view of the night sky.

That is until something about person sized with rather large wings went zooming past above him.

Brows furrowing, Cobra was quick to roll to his feet on the branch he had been reclining on, and with barely a hint of sound at his movement, opened his senses to follow the thing he had seen with his magic. There was a part of him that he could feel straining to follow the flying creature, but his sense of loyalty to those he considered his family had him staying where he was. Instead he memorized the sound of the soul he could here, and had to bite back a whimper when the smell of sugared belladonna reached his nose.

Taking a one last deep breath, one last self-torturing breath, Cobra dropped to the ground below with a light thud. He flopped down at the base of the tree to pick the few flowers he saw were poisonous and munched away, leaning his head back to watch the stars through the trees once more.

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"What the fuck do you mean we're going to that crazy monkey filled circus your red-headed sadist of a girlfriend calls a guild you self-loathing blue twat?!" Cobra snarled, arms crossed, staring down his small guilds master. The sun was just peaking over the tops of the trees, their campfire was smoldering as it slowly died out, and they had all been in the process of breaking down their tents when Jellal had called their attention.

"Exactly what I said Erik. Master Markarov has requested our presence, and now that we've actually been pardoned after the war with Alvarez, the King and Princess themselves are heavily encouraging us to join a guild." Jellal said smoothly, meeting Cobra's one indigo eye head on.

"Oh shit balls no, you are not suggesting what you are thinking tramp stamp! And dammit I told you not to call me that!" The growl that escaped Cobra at this point had wisps of poison escaping him, and he felt his claws lengthen to dig into his palms. The silence from the rest of the guild around them was almost deafening for everyone but Cobra, who could hear their souls clashing in shock and chaos.

"No, I'm not suggesting that. What I'm suggesting is that now that you all have the option, take some time and decide what you want to do. I, personally, am deciding to join a legitimate guild, and building my life. What each of you want to do is completely up to you. Markarov has already extended his welcome for any of us to join his guild if we so wish. If not, he'll help you get to where you want to go. Angel, if you want to go to your sister, that option is there. Sawyer, Richard, if you want to go find Wally and join him or any others, you're free to do so. Erik, Meredy, Macbeth, you're free to go where you will also, as long as you abide by the laws." Jellal finished, shrugging the cloak that had become so much a part of who he was, and shoved it into his bag.

Gaping at their guild master, the Crime Sorciere members watched with hanging mouths as he shrugged his pack onto his shoulder and headed for the road leading to Magnolia and Fairy Tail.

"Wh-what the hell just happened?" Angel breathed, shock making her numb as she stared after the man who she had followed for a number of years now. She wanted to go and be with her sister in Sabertooth, but...she hadn't thought it would happen so suddenly! "Did he just disband the guild?" She asked further, turning towards those she considered family. She had been through so much with them, even as annoying as they had been multiple times, she would still walk through hell for any of them.

And now she felt adrift.

"Stop." That one word, snarled, had multiple pairs of eyes snapping to the poison slayer of their group. "Yes, he disbanded the guild because as much as it actually physically pains me to say this, he's right."

"But Co-"

"He can't jus-"

"After everything-"

"How can he-"

"Enough!" Cobra shouted, whirling around to meet the eyes of his family. "He has every right to do what he has done, just as much right as we have to take him up on what he suggested or tell him to suck dick and do something completely different." Letting out a long, low breath, he rolled his shoulders, enjoying the slight relief that comes from his back popping.

"What do you suggest we do then?" Midnight asked softly, his red eyes watching his best friend carefully. He already knew what he would do. He didn't have anything tying him to anything anywhere, and the place he wanted to go he would only admit to Cobra that he didn't have the balls to go to alone. He may not like it, but even when Jellal was around, everyone in the group looked to Cobra.

Taking a deep breath, Cobra shifted his gaze from one guild member to another, memories hitting him hard. They were a mix of his and theirs that were resonating deeply in their souls. But he could hear them. He could hear each of their deepest desires, and knew that they wouldn't have the courage to follow their desires without a solid push from him. Turning to Angel first, then Racer and Hoteye, he let them see the part of them that only they ever saw.

A small smile curled his lips, and his eye softened. "Each of you know exactly what to do. Angel, go to your sister, mend the bridges that were burnt by circumstances that you had absolutely no control over. Sawyer, Richard, the same goes with both of you. Sawyer, your speed can get you plenty of work. Richard, follow Angel, they'll be able to help you connect with your brother, help you get to him."

Shifting his gaze to the last two of his little family, and surprisingly, though he would deny it, the ones he was closest to, Cobra looked over Midnight and Meredy who were watching him with worried eyes.

"And us?" Midnight asked softly, watching the man he considered a brother closely.

"I'm going to go to Fairy Tail as well. Consider it a way to continue working on atoning for the sins I committed against them. Obviously I'm not going to tell you guys that you have to follow me, however, Midnight, this could be a chance to pursue the person you've been wanting to for a while now. And Meredy, you'd get along just fine with the women there, you're just as crazy as the rest of them." Cobra explained, listening closely and fighting the urge to roll his eyes at the longing her heard warbling through their souls.

"So, what? Is that it? Is this goodbye?" Angel demanded, her voice thick and scathing as she fought the tears burning her eyes.

"Hell no feather twat. We can obviously still visit each other. We're just going after what we've been wanting to go after for a while now." Cobra huffed. "And I don't know about you guys, but I'm dropping Cobra. We've come a long way, and trying to embrace the who kumbayah bullshit, I'm going to start going by my given name now."

"Honestly... being Macbeth doesn't sound like all that bad an idea... Erik." Macbeth said with a slight curve to his black painted lips.

"Aye sir!" Meredy's agreement followed by a giggle echoed him, and with one last deep breath taken by everyone, they turned toward the road leading to the next adventure and new lives.


	3. Chapter 2

It was loud.

It was crazy.

It was obnoxious, full of troublemakers, and mages with a power that many a dark guild had trembled in fear of. Light guilds cringed or shook their heads in amusement when these mages were brought up in conversation. But these mages all had one thing in common, that made them the way they were. Their beliefs in nakama and always doing what was right, even if that occasionally bent the law to the point of nearly breaking.

This...was Fairy Tail.

Located in the city of Magnolia, it protected its city and mages with a ferocity that left many in awe, and the citizens grew a tolerance of the noise or mess that came with being the home of insanely strong mages. So when there was group of seven mages making their way through the city, they didn't even get looked at twice before the citizens continued on their way. For them it was a little odd, but they brushed the sensation off. This was the first time they had visited this city without hiding themselves, and they were tense, expecting someone to point and start screaming at any minute.

They were almost to the guildhall, and Erik could hear the chaotic noise that made up the guild when he heard something else. Something different, soothing, calling out for a friend. Halting in the middle of the road, his head tilted to the side as he tried to pinpoint where the call was coming from and didn't even snap when Meredy ran face first into his back. Before she could even stutter out an apology, he spun on a heel and strode away from them, following the call that was steadily getting louder, his gaze slightly unfocused as he tried to figure out just what he was hearing since he wasn't hearing actual words, he was just hearing emotions.

He didn't even realize where he ended up until he was standing in front of a clear glass tank, crouching down to stare narrow eyed at the occupant. He was looking at a curled up baby snake, its main color was a goldish yellow with black scales along its back and he could smell that this snake wasn't poisonous, and he was fine with that. Lifting his gaze to the species tag on the tank, Erik couldn't help but smirk slightly at the name of the snake. 'Juvenile King Cobra'. If that wasn't a sign he didn't know what was. Then he noticed the in all caps extra bit listed under the type of snake. 'Magical: Unknown'. Frowning slightly, he shifted his gaze back to the snake and fought not to jump when he came nose to nose with the snake, only the glass of the tank separating them. He hadn't even heard the little fucker move!

A slight flutter drew his gaze further into the tank and Erik felt his jaw drop at the sight of a set of very small wings twitching on the snakes back.

Well. He was screwed. He already knew it.

Seeing the small tongue flicker out and touch the glass, Erik felt the heart he claimed didn't exist melt ever so slightly. He heard the sound of soft footsteps coming up behind him at the same time that the snake drew back, fear and caution coloring its movements, and that was when he caught a memory of pain, with a flash of what appeared to be childrens shoes and rocks being thrown before an unknown kind woman found them and whisked the baby snake to safety. Biting back the growl that wanted to escape him at seeing the baby scared, Erik shifted back to his feet and glanced over his shoulder to see his fellow mages behind him. All but one were wandering, doling out pets and treats to the various animals in other containers, and that was when he realized he had blindly walked into a pet store. Meeting Macbeths eyes, he shrugged and stepped to the side, letting his best friend see the snake that was watching them closely.

"I get the feeling that you're not leaving here without that snake?" Macbeth asked softly, leaning closer to peer down at the beady eyes that he could tell were fill with defiance. Thankfully, since snakes were a favorite of Eriks, Macbeth had taken the time over the years to learn how to identify if a snake was poisonous or not, and he could tell this one wasn't. The small wings though threw him for a bit of a loop. "Is this what had you taking such a sudden detour?"

"Yea. And yea, I'm taking him with us. What better friend for a magical creature then a mage? And he'll definitely put the exceeds to shame..." Erik stated with a smirk. Not caring if the owner of the shop got pissy or not, he lifted the lid of the tank and reached in carefully, allowing the snake to taste him at his pace. The smile that crossed his face as the snake immediately moved to curl around his forearm had Macbeth smiling just as widely as he followed the new duo to the cashiers counter.

The workers reaction at seeing the snake happily wrapped around Eriks forearm had them laughing as she squeaked and quickly backed up, bumping into the full shelves behind the counter. Lifting a brow at her, they didn't say a thing and merely waited as she darted away, and a few minutes later a gentleman came from a back room with a worried look, the young woman right behind him.

"I'm sorry for the confusion gentlemen, my employee says that you removed a snake from one of the tanks?" The man cut right to the point, meeting their gazes then looking over them only to merely blink at the live snake accessory on Eriks arm. "Uh...I see that you have. That is against store policy for the record, and legally the animal cannot leave without being contained."

The snarl that escaped Erik at that point had Macbeth quickly stepping forward even as the man raised a brow.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience, however, would you be willing to make an exception just this once? My friend here is a big fan of snakes and has already become attached to this one. We're willing to pay for it obviously, but my friend is very strongly against anything being contained." Macbeth explained softly, lifting his hands in a placating manner.

"I can't, in good conscious, allow that. If the snake is not contained until it arrives at its new home, it may attack someone in self defense, just from being overwhelmed." The man explained, keeping a close eye on Erik and the snake he was wearing. Both brows rose when Erik stepped back, lifting his arm to run soothing fingers over the scales and lips lifted from his very pointy teeth in a silent snarl.

"Excuse me sir, are you by any chance the owner?" Meredy asked, stepping from behind a solo standing shelf, patting Eriks shoulder calmly, not even giving a glance to the snake Erik was protecting.

"Yes I am, so I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from." The man huffed crossing his arms. He cast another look over the three mages standing at his counter, scowling at the two males before turning his attention back to the pink haired beauty. "Add in that the snake is magical, and I really can't afford to have someone get injured and then they come after me for it. As it is already, him holding the snake is pushing it. If the snake bites him, what would stop him from trying to sue me or something?"

"I may be an asshole but not like that!" Erik snarled, his eyes flashing. The hand that Macbeth lifted was the only thing to keep Erik from launching himself at the idiotic shop owner.

"Sir, my friend is actually the poison dragon slayer, and has a way with animals, especially snakes. We're expected at Fairy Tail, so I can promise you that if anything happens to anyone, you will not be held accountable, and the healer at Fairy Tail would be more than happy to help if something happens. If it would ease your worries, we'd be more than happy to sign a disclaimer accepting any and all responsibility if the snake does something outside of containment. And besides, once the snake is paid for, anything that happens after that is no longer your problem." Meredy soothed, giving a small blinding smile.

The owner watched her for another moment before turning back to the maroon haired mage holding the snake. He could see that the snake wasn't actually doing anything at the moment, just hanging out, and if he didn't know any better he'd think the snake was nearly purring. Letting out a sigh, he looked back to his employee and jerked his head, letting her know that he'd handle this purchase. Not even five minutes later had the owner watching as the group of mages left and just before the door swung shut behind them, he would've sworn the snake poked its head up over the maroon haired mages shoulder and stuck its tongue out at him.

"Well. That was certainly eventful. Who did you find there Erik?" Jellal asked, stepping up beside him. He hadn't been surprised when the others had caught up to him on the road leading out of the forest, and without a word started following him again. The sudden trip to the pet store though had been unexpected, and now he was watching the snake that had moved up to curl around Eriks neck, its head bobbing slightly as it watched where they were going.

"This is a magical Juvenile King Cobra, a baby, who ended up in that store after being rescued by a young woman from some dick children who were throwing rocks at him. He's still to young for me to hear clearly, but I'm able to pick up on emotions and the like right now." Erik explained, reaching up to run a gentle finger over the snakes nose.

"Have you decided what you're going to name him yet? Is it even a male? Or female?" Sorrano asked, watching the line of scales decorating the back of her guildmates neck. Then she noticed something that had her blinking, and leaning closer. "Does-does it have wings?!" Sorano gushed, seeing the slight twitches from the appendages that stuck out from the snakes scales.

"Yes he has wings, again, magical, don't know about the name yet, and definitely male." Cobra answered. The smirk was very clear in his voice, but for once Sorano didn't take offense, instead she knew he could hear that her soul went all sorts of melted at how cute the wings were. Then she noticed something else and was quick to grab Eriks arm, pulling him to a stop. They had reached the foot of the steps leading up to the Fairy Tail guild hall, and the noise coming from within was very easily heard, but she felt this might take precedence over getting inside.

"Um Erik?"

"What is it Sorano? As noisy as it is, I'd like to get inside and get something to eat." Erik huffed. He was excited about showing off his new pet and hadn't been paying attention to the souls around him, so he didn't think much about turning to face the angel mage. Waving the other mages off, he waited until the disappeared inside before nodding for her to continue.

"Wasn't your new snake black and yellow?"

"Yea, why?"

"He's not anymore."

Blinking, hearing the truth in her soul, he reached up to pull his new snake from his perch, and his eye widen at the vibrant maroon color that some of his scales now were. He could hear the trill from the little soul in his hands, that immediately made him think of the feeling of accomplishment that came with succeeding in doing something.

"Just how many more tricks are you hiding under your scales little one?" Erik breathed, running a gentle thumb under the snakes jaw. Feeling a hand rest on his arm, Erik lifted his gaze to meet Soranos warmth filled one.

"I'm sure it'll be exciting to learn of the different things he can do as time passes. He may even surprise you some more. For now we should get inside." Sorano encouraged before turning and leading the way, pushing open the heavy doors. If the noise had been loud before, it went up a few decimals once the thick doors were no longer in the way. He felt his new snake cringe back and quickly soothed him, instinct driving him to give a gentle rumble which seemed to work and the snake relaxed in his hands. Looking around at the craziness that would hopefully soon become his guild, he followed Sorano through the crowd, ducking, dodging, and weaving between the crazy mages.

They finally made it to the bar and plopped down on the last couple of stools that were available, nodding in greeting to the tiny master that was sitting on top of it with a drink in his hand.

"Welcome back brats. Jellal said there was something you wanted to discuss with me?" Markarov greeted with a twinkle in his eye and a twitch to his moustache. The twitch turned into a full blown grin Erik scoffed and turned to him with a bland stare, even as Sorano asked for a glass of water from Kinana.

"Ya ain't stupid old man, you know what we're here for." Erik huffed, rolling his one good eye.

Grinning at the poison slayer, Markarov lifted his glass for another gulp of beer before setting his mug back down. Erik didn't even get a chance to cover his ears, too worried about his new snake and his own sensitive hearing to worry about the ringing that took up residence in his.

"Alright brats listen up!" Instantly everything stopped as every Fairy Tail mage in attendance turned their attention to their master. "Crime Sorciere has come to visit, who are looking to continue on the path they've chosen by going their separate ways. And some of them are looking to make their homes with us!" The cheers that echoed through the hall had every slayer ducking their head in pain, even as Erik tucked his snake closer to his body and cupped his hands over its small head to block at least some off the noise. Once the noise died down once more, Markarov continued.

"From what I have learned, Jellal, Erik, Meredy, and Macbeth will be joining us while Sorano heads for Sabertooth to join her sister, Richard will be heading for Blue Pegasus where he will hopefully be able to find his brother with their help, and Sawyer will be heading for Quatro Puppy." Another round of cheers went up and Erik ducked his head once more. Again, the noise died down after a few moments, the mages returning to their partying with renewed vigor at their new members and Markarov dug into his pocket for the guild stamp. Letting out a slightly pained sigh, Erik straightened up, lifting his hand to bring his snake eye level and check on him.

"And who is this?" Markarov asked, seeing the snake stretch its neck out to taste the end of Eriks nose. He didn't miss the small fluttering wings, or the shifting colors of the scales.

"This is my new friend. Found him in a pet shop nearby. Haven't figured out what to name him yet." Erik stated, smiling softly at the feeling of the tongue dancing across his cheek. He heard her before he saw her, and turned just as she slid onto a recently vacated stool, a smile forming fully. "Heya Tink, you're the writer, any names in the grey matter to give my new buddy?"

The smile he received in return had him feel like a weight dropped from his shoulders. He wouldn't admit to anyone that he had been worried that she wouldn't want him there in spite of everything that had happened. The sound of her soul had always been one he liked to be around because it was so soothing, and there weren't many he could say that about.

"Boy or girl?" Lucy asked, leaning forward and holding out a steady hand for the snake to taste, giggling lightly when the tongue tickled her flesh.

"He's very much a boy, and a magical snake. So far I know that at some point he'll be able to fly, can change colors, but beyond that, I've got nothing." Erik stated, nodding and handing the snake over when he heard her soul ask to hold the reptile. He watched as she carefully lifted him, letting her own fingers brush over the now colorful scales carefully. He appreciated that she was taking her time so she didn't spook the snake.

"Well...how about Nathair?" Tink asked out loud, playfully tweaking one of the tiny wings, watching as they stretched out and folded back against the scales. They both watched in surprise when the snake turned back Erik and moved his head up and down in a very distinct nod.

"C-can you understand us?" Lucy breathed, a smile curling her lips when the snake turned back to her and nodded once more. "So...you like the name Nathair?" Again a nod was her answer. The entire time this interaction was happening, Markarov watched with a small smile, and when Lucy and Erik exchanged giddy grins, he smoothly cut in after sending Meredy away to mingle after getting her own new stamp. Catching their attention, he waved the three of them over.

"Well, since you're going to be joining us, you need a new stamp. Both of you."

Meeting his gaze, Erik merely blinked in surprise. "You mean...him too?"

"Of course! He's your friend and partner isn't he? He's as much a part of Fairy Tail as Happy, Lily, or Carla are." Markarov stated firmly. "Now, where would you like your mark brats?"

Choking back the lump that had decided to lodge itself firmly in his throat, Erik watched as Lucy lifted her hand and waited while Nathair weaved back and forth for a moment as if in thought before stilling and lifting his head. He curled the tip of his tail around to point a spot a bit blow where his jaw met his body and a moment later a maroon Fairy Tail guild mark graced his scales. Turning to Erik next, Markarov held out the stamp and in response was given the slayers left hand. Deciding to match Nathair the magic burned for a moment before settling, and when the stamp was pulled away a larger mark sat on the back of Eriks left hand.

Running the thumb from his other hand across his new mark, it took a moment for the steadily growing roar that was echoing between his ears to register, and when it did, he ducked his head in reflex even as he spun around. Immediately his eyes started scanning the mass of bodies that were fighting in the middle of the hall, trying to find the idiotic flame tard who he knew that mental roar belonged to.

 _'MATE! THEY'RE MY MATES! CLAIM THEM BOTH BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES! MINEMINEMINEMINE!'_

"Uh...Tink? You're gonna want to-" Before he could finish an explosion of flame came from the middle of the brawl, and Erik dove over Lucy and Nathair, taking the brunt of the heat.

"Natsu fucking Dragneel what the fucking hell do you think you're doing?!" Lucy screeched, wriggling to get around Erik, ready to storm over and beat the crap out of her pink haired teammate. It was Erik gripping her arm firmly and pulling her back that stopped her as she glanced at him, finding him shaking his head fervently.

"Not a good idea Tink, smoke for brains just identified his mates and is having trouble controlling his dragon."

"Wait-what?! He found his mates?! As in plural?!"

"Yes dammit! Now get behind the bar with Kina while I try to get him the fuck out of here before he destroys the whole guild!"

She didn't need to be told twice, and clutching Nathair closer to her rather generous bust, she slid over the bar and crouched behind it as more chaos ensued. The increase in curses, threats and insults continued to grow in volume until suddenly everything fell silent.

Exchanging a worried glance with Kinana, they peeked over the edge of the bar to find everyone frozen and staring in shock at the white haired woman standing at the doors before Erik, one hand gripping an unconscious Natsu. Uncertain as to what was happening, Lucy decided staying behind the bar still was a good idea.

When he had rushed the swirling mass of bodies and flames that Natsu was in the middle of, Erik didn't give any thought to his own safety, he knew that he'd be ok somehow. Using his magic he was able to maneuver through the mess until he reached the slayer, and gripping the neck of the mans vest, delivered a quick blow to the back off Natsus head, rendering him unconscious. Huffing out a slightly irritated breath, he had just turned on his heel to drag the downed slayer outside when he caught the smell.

The same smell from the other night when he had been keeping watch over the witches camp.

Sugared belladonna with a hint of cyanide.

The smell alone was enough to make his mouth water, and his gut tighten. But the sudden flurry of activity from his inner dragon nearly had him dropping Natsu on his head.

 _'Mate! Mate! She's here!'_

 _'What the fuck do you mean she's here?!'_ Erik mentally snarled, trying to catch the breath that had been driven from him at the first smell. When he didn't get an answer from his usually quiet dragon he whipped his head around, eyes tracking every woman in the guild, nose working overtime to find the location of the smell.

"I was gone for not even an hour and the guild is in shambles. Do I even want to know what happened?" A sweet voice asked, reaching his ears like gently tinkling bells.

He knew that voice. Opening his soul magic up, he felt his jaw drop at the many souls that clamored for his attention, feeling his pants tighten at some of the images flashing through the different souls.

 _'Hmmm he does look tasty doesn't he?'_

 _'Wouldn't mind sinking my teeth into that ass.'_

 _'Maybe tie him down and ride him all night.'_

 _'Or have him tie us down and see if he has the stamina to keep up with us.'_

There were more voices, souls, clamoring over eachother at seeing him, but the smell was making it difficult for him to focus. Swallowing hard, he carefully turned as he realized the smell was coming from behind him at the guild doors, and when he realized just who he was hearing, he knew he was going to have problems.

Standing not even ten feet behind him was Mirajane, Fairy Tails resident demon matchmaker, bartender, and mother hen.

Oh yea, he was in trouble.


	4. Chapter 3

Trying very hard not to let the purr building in him escape, Erik met Mira's gaze head on with a small smirk. He could still hear the multiple souls clamoring for his attention, and he had to admit, his dragon chose his mate well. Beautiful. Crazy. Respected and feared with a drive to protect her family that matched his own.

And then he heard the one soul that made his pointed ears twitch and had him fighting the urge to gag.

 _'Oh wouldn't he look so cute with Lucy? Blond hair, indigo eyed babies! Wait, what if he's with Meredy? Ohmygod their babies would be so cute!'_

He could feel his dragon recoil and hiss in slight horror, even as he started to whine.

 _'Oh come on you love crazy asshole, you're going to whine now?'_ Erik demanded.

 _'Our mate isn't supposed to be picturing us with someone else! She's our mate, no one else!'_

 _'Cool it you psychotic lizard she's a fucking matchmaker, it's what she does! Now calm your fat ass down!'_ Erik mentally snarled, even as he managed to keep his face devoid of any emotion.

The snarl he got in return he ignored as he focused on Mira, watching as one dainty white brow lifted, her head tilting and the guild lights making her hair shimmer in a way that had his mouth watering. He had to think off a way, and fast, to keep her from continuing to try and pair him up with others, because from the memories alone that he was getting from everyone around them, it would be nightmarish. When she set her eyes on a couple that she was sure would work together, she was like a feral dragon who hadn't eaten in a number of days. Then he focused back on the person he was hanging onto when they began to stir and quickly tossed the still limp form to her feet.

"Ask flame brain here about his mates." He stated flatly before walking away, catching Lucy by her arm as she started to go by him, Nathair still wrapped around her arm.

"Not now Tink, you want to stay away from her baby radar for as long as possible." He explained just as a loud squeal rang through the hall, followed by a solid thud as Mira fainted, hearts replacing her eyes. He fought hard against his dragon to go back to her to make sure she was alright, but didn't quite catch the distinct growl that slipped past his lips, drawing every slayers, and Lucy's attention.

Groaning, he dragged Lucy behind him before plopping down at a table in the far corner of the guild, already hearing four sets of quick footsteps approaching him.

"What the hell was that toxic breath?" Gajeel grunted, dropping down across from the poison slayer with a thud. Wendy was quick to scoot in next to him, Laxus following her even as Macbeth slid onto the bench on the other side of Lucy.

"What was what?" Erik huffed, crossing his arms and glaring holes through the table in front of him.

"Don't give us that crap, you know exactly what. That growl you gave. Don't tell me-" Gajeel leaned forward, bracing an elbow on the table even as a snarky grin lifted his lips.

"Shut it lug nut!" Erik snarled, glaring with an intensity that had Laxus lifting a brow. "It's no ones business but mine, so keep your hard ass out of it!"

"Wow Erik...it must be something pretty important, your insults don't have as much flair or bit as they normally do." Macbeth drawled, watching his friend closely and not backing down when the glare was turned on him.

"Fuck you asshole." The lack of venom behind his voice had everyone at the table blinking, and staring at him. "What?!" He snarled, scooting down on the bench in a vain attempt to make himself smaller. When Gajeel started laughing hysterically, sharp claws found themselves digging into the wood of the table.

"Oh this is going to be hilarious! She's-"

"I said shut it asshole!"

Smirking, Gajeel leaned further across the table, closer to him, and dropped his voice to a low growl. "She's your mate isn't she?"

When Erik merely bared glistening fangs at him and slunk further down in his seat, he ignored the color draining from the others faces. The embarrassment that he was feeling was not something he was used to, and dammit he wanted the feeling to go the fuck away.

"Ohmygod are you serious?" Lucy breathed, turning to look at him with wide, incredulous eyes. "Of all of the mages here, why her?"

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Erik snapped, straightening in his seat. "Why can't it be her?! She's beautiful, strong, kind, has a good heart, wicked sense of humor and-" Erik cuts off, eye widening as he sees Lucy's lips start twitching from trying not to laugh.

"Well, that answers that." She murmured, lifting a brow before shifting her arm to continue running gentle fingers over the smooth scales of Nathair who was busy watching everyone, his tongue occasionally darting out to taste the air around him.

"Oh go bite dreamers dick." Erik snapped, pouting slightly. He didn't have to look on his other side to know Macbeth was now trying to fight a nosebleed at that image. Seeing her pale then flush brightly red, he smirked at the internal screeching and blabbering her soul did gave. She liked Erik. She really did. Mira being his mate only emphasized how misunderstood the man was. This though... what the hell was wrong with the man that he would say that out loud!

Giving her a knowing look, he turned to find a pair of rather intense set of grey blue eyes staring at him. "What do you want lightning dick?"

"You can hear souls right?"

The look he gave Laxus was a quite obvious 'duh'.

"You said Natsu has two mates. Who are they?" Laxus asked steadily, keeping his eyes on Erik even as Eriks eye narrowed before widening as the knowledge that only Laxus, and now Erik, had. Laxus waited patiently, before taking a deep breath of relief when Erik tilted his head ever so slightly and nodded once. With that Laxus got up and stalked off, grabbing Bickslow by the neck of his coat and dragging him off, Bix's yelps and babies trailing along behind them.

"What the hell was that about?" Gajeel muttered, watching Laxus go with a narrow eyed look.

"Don't worry about it bolt brain." Erik sighed, rolling his head on his shoulders before responding to the hum from Nathairs soul and reached out for him. Wordlessly Lucy handed him over, and he smiled slightly at the feel of his snakes tongue tasting him. Hearing the hesitancy coming from the table across from him, Erik sighed and turned to the youngest slayer, drawing on his secret love of children for patience. All he wanted to do at this point was find somewhere to crash for the night, but couldn't figure out how to talk to about it.

"What's up little queen?" Erik asked softly, a warmth in his eye that not many ever saw, and Wendy blinked a little bit in surprise at seeing it, but hummed in response before speaking.

"Is it true? Is Mira-nee your mate?" She asked seriously, and for the life of him, he couldn't find it in himself to dance around the answer.

Letting out a sigh, he nodded, following it with, "I don't want to tell her just yet though, because I have to come to terms with it myself, and I have to find a way to get to know her better. I don't feel comfortable just dropping that on her."

"We can respect that. And while this may be throwing even myself under the proverbial bus at some point, I may have a way for you to start getting close to her.'" Grinning, Wendy fell silent, letting her soul speak for her, and started giggling a little evilly when at first horror then consideration, and finally acceptance crossed his face.

"Well I'll be damned...that is a thought. And I think I know just how to approach her about it. Thanks biscuit." Erik murmured before climbing to his feet, patting her affectionately on the head before heading for the bar where Mira had managed to get to after recovering from her fainting spell.

He could only snicker when he heard the waves of fear that passed through the others who had been at the table, and with his dragon hearing was able to hear Lucy whisper demand, "What the hell did you just do?!"

"I gave him the in he needed to get close to Mira, and closely, that's all." Wendy shrugged, her desire to see her nakama happy overshadowing her own shiver of trepidation that washed through her.

"Then why the hell am I suddenly terrified?" Gajeel asked. When she merely shrugged and smiled faintly again, he felt his horror grow, and at that point Erik let out a bark of laughter, drawing Mira's attention just as he stepped up to the bar to lean on it with his elbows, mindful of Nathair wrapped around his forearm.

"Hello Erik, what can I get you?" Mira asked sweetly, giving him a smile that made his dragon sigh and his pants grow tight, even as he shuddered when he hear her Sitri soul pairing him up with every available woman, and the occasional man. Before he could answer however, Mira glanced down at the slight movement she saw in the corner of her eye and zeroed in on Nathair who had lifted her head and was watching her closely, tongue flicking to taste the air around her before inching closer.

"Um, Erik? Where did you find that snake?" She asked, reaching a gentle hand out, a small smile curling her lips when she felt the soft tongue flicker against her fingertips.

"Hm? Oh Nathair? I got him from a pet store on my way here. I heard his soul calling out for a friend, and I answered it. Mira, I'd like you to meet Nathair. Nathair, this is Mira, the resident demon and bartender." Erik explained, lifting his arm so they could be closer, feeling his dragon all but melt into a gooey puddle and purrr as she cooed at the small snake.

"I think I actually know him already. A couple off months ago when I was coming back from Porlyusicas, I came across some children in the forest hurting a snake that looked a lot like this one. I scooped up the snake, scared the children, then took the nsake to a nearby pet shop knowing they would have a better chance knowing and being able to take care of him then I would." Mira explained, her smile spreading when Nathair shoved his head into her palm, and not seeing the shocked look that crossed Eriks face at her admission.

Giving himself a quick mental shake after hearing that, he shot her a pantie melting smirk, which only grew when he heard her own and her demon souls silently curse him and the flare of molten lava that became her lower stomach. He had to give it to her and her demons, they were certainly creative and descriptive. Once again he found himself fighting the tightening in his own pants at the scenes she was flipping through with the two of them as the main attraction. Then of course Sitri had to butt in with her matchmaker tendencies and he felt bile rise in the back of his throat at the idea of who she was pairing him with.

"Mira, while I thank you greatly for rescuing Nathair when you did, I need to ask you to stop with what's going through that demonic head of yours." He said evenly. He wanted to be polite, not his usual venomous self, as he didn't think it'd when him any points. And when she merely smiled at him serenely, he had to fight back a shudder of terror. The smile spoke of endless hours of torture, and all the ways she could do it without once raising a finger or her voice.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about Erik." Baby blue eyes gleamed at him, and he knew he needed to tread carefully. From her point of view she just wanted him happy, and that meant setting him up with any and all guildmates until he found the one he was happy with. Taking a careful breath, he met her gaze before rattling off comments to what he had heard from her.

"First off, Lucy is my kin, my dragon has claimed her as such, and to think about sleeping with her, or having any kind of relationship with her, or Meredy or Angel, due to the same reason, screws with my mind more than my own naturally pyschotic nature. Also, dragons have mates, someone who is meant for just them for all of their lives, and honestly, pursuing anything more than one night stands would end up being more painful for the other party than me because of that. As for my stamina, I've certainly had no complaints, and I'm confident I could keep up even with you. And those deeper, darker desires you have that you don't let out often? Sounds like a grand good time." Leaning further against the bar, he flashed his dimples at her when he grinned, sharp teeth peeking out past thin lips.

Her eyes had widened and at first she had paled, but then when he finished the flood of color that flew across her cheeks had his dragon wanting to purr in satisfaction. Gulping hard against the stronger flood of fantasies that teased her, and him as well, she reached below the bar for a glass with a slightly trembling hand.

"Wh-" Mira paused to clear her throat, trying to calm the thunder that was now her heartbeat and the fire that her blood was pumping through her. "What can I get you Erik?"

"I think the better question is what I can get for you. I have a proposition for you, one I think you'll like." He said, leaning back to shift and try to loosen his now far too tight pants.

"And that would be?"

"I know you're the resident matchmaker, it's hard to miss, and while your heart is in the right place, and you're doing it with all the best intentions in mind for everyone, I think you could stand to use a bit of an underhanded means in which to make sure pairings work. You'll have more success, and definitely less disappointments."

"And that method would be?" She asked, her eyes narrowing as she watched him closely.

"Me. With my sound magic, I hear souls, and peoples thoughts. While I won't discuss peoples direct thoughts unless absolutely necessary, I can help with pairing souls up with other souls for the harmony they're actually looking for. Most of the time I'm dealing with listening to souls being whiny bitches, but the right soul will mellow them out and save me a fucking headache from listening to them."

"And what do you get out of this?" Mira asked slowly. So far she liked how this was sounding, but she wasn't about to make any promises yet.

"Three things. One, you keep me out of the limelight. Completely. If I help you pair people up, you keep me out of any explanation that may or may not be needed. I don't want, or need, that kind of attention."

"Fair enough. The second thing?"

"Second, you stop, and don't even attempt to pair me up with anyone. Ever. As I already told you, I have a mate, and I need to work on them. Can't do that very well if I'm fending off the advances of other mages."

"Makes sense. Can you at least tell me if you know who they are and if you're going to tell them?" She crossed her arms at this point, hoping that she could trip him up by telling her who it was.

"Yes, I know who she is, and yes I'll tell her eventually, when she and I are both really ready."

"Alright. And the third thing?" Damn, so much for getting that out of him.

"Third, I'll continue to help with matching people and souls up, we can even make our own little team if you'd like, for a specific, unique field that we'll have a home advantage over. I honestly think you'll like it. And in exchange, any time you're trying a new poison, or making something with some kind of poison, feed me at no extra charge." He was watching her closely now, having partially blocked her soul so it wasn't too overwhelming.

"Do you have anything for collateral? To show this is legit? And what would we even call ourselves if we did form this team?" She quirked a brow at him, and he had to fight like hell to keep from leaping over the bar kiss the hell out of her. Rolling his eyes, he answered her, and in turn, throwing one of his close friends under the matchmaking buss.

"I told you dragons have typically have one mate. Natsu has two and as of today, they're both here. It's part of what the huge brawl was about."

"Really?! Who are they?!" Mira squeaked, leaning over and unintentionally flashing a good deal of cleavage that had the tip of Eriks ears running hot.

"They're going to be quite the terrifying trio that's for sure. Natsu, Bix, and Meredy are mates with each other, they just haven't claimed each other yet." He could see her starting to vibrate, and already knowing that his ears were going to hate him, he decided to answer her last question. "And our team can be called Psychotic Matchmaker, seeing as how that is exactly what we would be."

The resulting squeal and thud that echoed through the hall had everyone falling silent, and when they turned to the bar, finding Erik with his hands clapped over his ears, but a shit eating grin on his face, a mass shiver spread through the hall. Suddenly they were all very, very scared.

Feeling the eyes on him he pulled his gaze from his gorgeous and absolutely psycho-sexy, unconscious mate and looked around the guild. Anywhere he heard stronger hints of fear or a name whispered deep inside in terror he paused to meet that guildmate's eyes. People fled. They just straight up hopped out of their seats and ran from the guild. He loved it.


	5. Chapter 4

I'm sorry I haven't update this in a while! I've been crazy busy getting used to my new graveyard shift at work, participating in Pradesh week, creating a new account for my other writings, and trying, but failing, not to get sick! But I'm back, and i will warn you, grab the tissues!

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It was supposed to be a simple job.

Good pay, he got to lay some smack down on some idiot dark mages, cause pain, and release some of the tension building from his dragon trying to push him to claim Mira. It was a particularly rough day with the dragon asshole that drove him to find a job and leave the guild like his ass was on fire, Nathair curled comfortably around his neck, Lucy and Midnight trailing close behind. He had been fighting instincts for months now, working to get closer to the demon matchmaker, getting to know her better.

 _'You should be back at the guild, laying your claim on her! If you take too long one of the other slayers will instead!'_ His dragon snapped.

Snarling, Erik lashed out at the mage who had no idea what was causing the mage before him to turn nearly feral, and had a moment of fear as he backed up quickly, trying to get his bearings. Admittedly, Erik was having a bit of trouble focusing on the fight as his dragon roiled within him, feeding his frustrations further.

"What the fuck! You were a part of Oracion Seis! You wanted power too! Why the hell are you with those weak ass fairies?!" The mage yelped, barely managing to dodge yet another swipe of the claws he could see were dripping some form of poison. It didn't take much to connect that this one eyed mage who dripped a liquid that ate a hole through the floor at their feet was the poison dragon slayer, and he sure as hell didn't want to be on the guys bad side.

The snarl that escaped the slayer in front of him, echoed by the flash of pure raging insanity in one single indigo eye had the dark mage rethinking his strategy very quickly, and nearly whimpering for his mommy, no matter that she had been an alcoholic whore. Gulping, he acted without thinking and twisted, grabbing the hand railing that he had just run into and rolled over it, landing on his feet with a thud and staggering for a moment. Now all he had to do was get through the mass of fighting between him and the guild doors and he'd be safe, he was sure of it.

Then the small rodent of a snake flew at him and a shock wave of some kind slammed into his face when the flying rat opened its fang lined mouth. In desperation the man threw his hand out in defense, shouting a spell that blasted the small monstrosity clear across the room.

Slamming into the same railing his prey had just escaped over, Erik tensed to follow when Nathairs voice rang in his head.

 _'I've got him Daddy!'_

Eyes widening at the fear that slammed through him, Erik watched as everything seemed to slow down. He felt the pride pulsing through the bond he had with Nathair at being able to help. He felt the elation at doing his first sound wave attack, not even caring how weak it actually still was. He saw Nathairs wings moving to keep him in the air, and the light catch his small fangs as he dropped his mouth open wide, like he had seen the other slayers do with their roars.

And he saw the fleeing mage raise a glowing hand even as he shouted something in a language he didn't know that hit Nathair hard. Erik saw Nathair go limp just as the spell hit, the blast engulfing him.

Numb.

He was numb.

Never before had he experienced such a detachment of his emotions. He had been working with Nathair ever since he had gotten him. He remembered the feeling of the call the little soul had sent out simply looking for a friend. He remembered the first time he felt that forked tongue dance across his skin, and the pride he felt when Nathair had started using his wings for the first time.

The memory that stood out most for him though was the first time he had heard Nathairs sweet little voice. The tears that had escaped him that day he hadn't cared could be seen by those at the guild because the overwhelming feeling of love that had come with that first word had been enough to make even his crotchety ass emotional.

They'd been at the guild, a party in full swing like usual, this time celebrating Tinks birthday, when he had heard a small voice. A voice so new that he hadn't even realized what it was at first, and when he had, he nearly fell off his stool.

 _'Daddy? I has water?'_

It had taken him a moment to realize the voice hadn't been Asuka, and he had looked around trying to find the little boy he was certain he had heard. He had just glanced down at Nathair to make sure he was doing alright only to find Nathair looking at him directly, tongue flickering. That was when it had clicked, and he had gaped.

"Nathair? Did you just ask for water?" Erik croaked, lifting his arm to bring him eye level.

 _'Please Daddy? I thirsty n itchy, water feel good! Love you!'_ The gentle tightening of Nathairs coiled body around his arm was his way of giving a hug, and without warning he started crying even as he laughed joyfully.

And now, now he couldn't feel that bond he had with the snake he had claimed as kin. All he felt was an

emptiness where that bond once was...that was quickly being taken over by pure murderous rage, and the scream that ripped from his very soul had glass shattering, windows blasting outwards, ear drums bursting and everyone fighting below collapsing in agonizing pain.

Snarling, he used his sound magic to keep his scream going, echoing and building back on itself as he dove over the hand railing, landing with a sickening crunch on the twitching legs of the mage who had attacked Nathair. When the scream had hit, he had collapsed to the floor immediately, hands clamping over his ears in a desperate attempt to protect his hearing, but the pain just kept going, tearing through every part of him and from the faint taste of warm copper he felt leaking between his lips he knew something had burst.

That was before he felt something heavy land hard on his legs. At that point he was in shock that he was still even conscious with the excruciating pain that slammed through him, following the sound of his legs snapping. Then the feeling of snarling, heated breath, laced with poison danced across his face as the weight still on his legs shifted, crouching on him, digging the pain deeper, shoving broken bone into shredded muscle.

"You killed my snake, who I claimed as kin. He was as good as being my son, still a fucking baby, and you killed him...do you know what that makes you?" Erik purred, bending down further to run his tongue along the trail of blood leaking from under the tightly covered ear closest too him. The damn near erotic groan that escaped him as the taste of fear laced blood spread across his taste buds had the mage under him smelling strongly of ammonia as he lost control of his bladder.

His screams of pain were music to his ears, a temporary balm to the pain of knowing he'd never hear Nathairs voice again. Reaching out with his magic quickly, he found the two souls he was looking for specifically. He had lost track of Lucy and Midnight when he'd been chasing the mage he was currently grinding into the ground, but he found them now, together, and could tell that Macbeth was using his illusion magic to deflect Eriks sound magic away from them. In that moment he was glad that Macbeth was one of the few mages who knew how to defend against Erik.

Reaching down, he gripped the mages head, digging his claws in and using two of them to force open an eye that was clamped shut. Twisting the mans head around so he could see Erik clearly, even through the pain. The malicious grin, crazed eye and dripping claws had him sobbing and the last thing he saw was the snap of clawed fingers.

Erik let a purr escape him as he rose to his feet, reveling in the waves of fear that rolled over him, shaking his hand to free his claws of the bit of skin and blood that had stuck to them when his snapped fingers made the body below him headless. He didn't give much thought to darting his tongue out to swipe at the droplets of blood that had splattered over his lips and cheek. Running his wide eyed gaze over those still cowering on the floor around him, watching him in quaking fear, he lifted his blood soaked hand and proceeded to slip one finger at a time between his lips, moaning as his bloodlust was fed further.

The sound of liquid spreading and ammonia growing stronger drove him to start laughing maniacally, and with a crazed grin he drew on his sound magic before bringing his hands together in a single clap. The shock wave that spread out was massive and he watched in glee as around him, head after head exploded, drenching him in blood, grey matter and other viscera, painting the whole main floor of the guild in a much prettier shade of red if he did say so himself.

Then it hit him again.

Nathair was gone. He may have gotten revenge on the mage, the guild that had killed him, but Nathair was still gone.

Choking on the air that backed up in his lungs, Erik dropped to his knees, slumping forward as sobs tore through him. He gripped his hair in blood soaked hands and didn't care. He pressed his face to viscera covered knees and took no pleasure in it. Who was he kidding? He didn't deserve any sort of happiness, every time he got even a taste of it, someone tore it away from him. He ultimately killed anything he got close to. How could he have a mate, or a family of any kind, knowing he just put them in danger all of the time?

Feeling gentle hands touch his back he snarled and threw himself away from them, rolling across the body covered floor until he couldn't go any further, a body stopping his progress. Bracing a hand against the mass behind him he pulled himself into a sitting position to face two of his friends, those he had claimed as kin, and tried to brace himself for their judgment. He was prepared for disgust, horror, sympathy, disappointment...you name it and he knew it would be directed at him which he hated but knew he deserved. Squeezing his eye shut as soul deep pain continued to storm through him, he waited for their words, dropping his head in defeat. He would never have anywhere he'd ever completely belong, and knew he'd be left alone once more. He couldn't stop the sobs that continued to wrack his body, and didn't care that they saw him this way.

He didn't hear the soft footsteps coming closer, but cringed when he was enveloped in warm, soft arms, the smell of stardust and strawberries sneaking through the blood. He tried to push her away, whining at the feeling of her grip tightening, before collapsing into her hold when he felt gentle fingers start threading through his blood soaked hair. Against what little control he had left his arms lifted to clutch at her desperately, wanting, needing something to anchor him against the feeling of loss that was breaking his heart.

Hiccuping, he pressed his face into her shoulder, his words coming out whimpered and muffled as he held on tightly. "H-he's gone Tink! That son of a bitch killed Nathair!"

"Co-" Lucy started to say softly, only for Erik to interrupt her, his pain too much for him to pay attention to anything.

"He was just a baby! A fucking baby!"

"Cob-" Macbeth tried this time, eyeing his best friend, biting his lip as he fought his own warring emotions. He was standing over them, and he hated seeing his best friend like this. Erik didn't get attached easily, but when he did, gods have mercy on anyone who attacked them because Erik sure as hell wouldn't.

"My fucking dragon even claimed him as a son! Please Tink make this nightmare stop!" Erik begged, still sobbing. He couldn't even hear her trying to sooth him, his mind too tired up in the pain of losing Nathair.

Feeling a nudge against his side, Macbeth glanced down and quickly stepped to the side, shaking his head. He was still in a bit of shock with this particular development.

"Daddy?"

Erik froze.

Everything in him froze.

His heart stopped.

His breath was driven from his lungs, and his mind stalled, all with that one spoken word. He couldn't handle this shit!

"Cobra? Cobra? Erik! Breathe!" Tink squeaked as she found herself going from giving support to being crushed between a pair of insanely strong arms. She could hear though that he had stopped breathing, and felt him freeze in place.

"Daddy...Auntie Tink can't breathe..." Those words spoken had Erik inhaling sharply, and releasing Lucy suddenly, causing her to topple over with a yelp as he spun on his knees towards that voice.

And promptly felt his jaw hit the ground and his eye attempt to vacate his skull.

"N-Nathair?" He breathed, reaching out one trembling hand as he shakily moved forward on his knees.

"I ok Daddy, see? I big boy now!" Nathair said, voice full of glee as he stretched out and nuzzled the hand reaching for him.

"Y-yea, yea I see, you really are, you're my big boy now." Erik choked out, happy tears now welling in his eye. Letting out a laugh of relief he didn't pause to clutch Nathair close, nuzzling against him.

"So, um, how are we going to explain this to the guild?" Macbeth asked after helping Lucy to her feet and taking a step back to look over his best friend and his definitely different, adopted son. Feeling a small hand touch his shoulder, Macbeth turned back to Lucy to find her with a soft smile on her face, watching Erik and Nathair as well.

"It doesn't matter. We're nakama, we'll figure it out together. All that matters is that Erik didn't lose his son, and we didn't lose a friend."

Grinning, he nodded and turned back to continue watching over his best friend, not bothering to stop the single tear that escaped his own eye.

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They left the destroyed dark guild later that night, having waited for darkness to fall before setting out. With the new...development that had happened, they were able to make really good time, and when they realized just how soon they would be back at Fairy Tail, they were quick to call Markarov.

"Ah children, I do hope everything is going alright?" Markarov asked, eyeing his three brats who had left to take on a dark guild themselves, taking note of the damp hair and freshly washed look of Erik who peered at him from over Lucy's shoulder. Lucy on the other hand, had dark smears across her face, and sections of her normally bright hair were much darker then it would be even under the stars.

"Yea, everything is, well, for the most part alright. The dark guild was destroyed...thoroughly.." Lucy stated. Erik winced at that and ducked back down when he saw one of Markarovs brows lift. "Something happened though, and we're on our way back. We figured it would be safer to do under cover of night then to try and do this during the day. Can you and Mira wait at the hall for us please?"

"Hi Gramps! We'll be home soon!"

"Be quiet dammit, we're not home yet!" Erik hissed from behind Lucy even as she facepalmed. She didn't have to look to know that Macbeth was fighting the urge to start laughing hysterically.

"Macbeth, I swear, one peep out of you, and I won't talk to you for a whole month!" Lucy seethed, shooting a glare at the man who glanced back at her over his shoulder with mirth in his eyes. Wisely he kept his mouth shut and turned to be facing forward once more.

"Lucy child, who was that?" Markarov demanded. He knew that hadn't been Macbeth, and he knew Erik would rather be caught dead then call him gramps, and he was already talking to Lucy.

Huffing out a breath, she met his gaze with a sheepish grin and shrug. "That was what, or I should say who, we needed to talk to you about when we get home, and believe me, it'll be better to do it in person. Please, just trust us, we should be there in about half an hour or so with how quickly we're being able to travel right now. Just...meet us out on the training grounds, and bring Mira with you ok? Please?" She asked, letting her eyes express just how important this was to them.

"Alright child, half an hour, we'll see you then."

"Thank you master. Oh! And don't turn on the field lights!" With that she disconnected the call, taking a deep breath before glancing back at Erik.

"You'll be fine Erik, we're with you on this, we saw what happened, so you were fully justified in what you did." She could see he was still scowling over his actions, but was also dealing with the elation of knowing Nathair wasn't dead.

"I'm glad you see it that way. Not everyone will." Erik sighed, closing his eye as they continued to move, trusting that he'd be back home soon enough.

Biting her lip, Lucy shook her head before turning her attention back to the road ahead. She honestly could understand where he was coming from, but she'd be damned if she let anything happen to Erik.

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Half an hour later saw Lucy, Erik, Macbeth and Nathair creeping onto the sands of the training field, Macbeth using his illusions to encourage any outsiders to not see all of them clearly. Grinning brightly at Erik, she gave his hand, the same hand that he had latched onto as soon as they had entered Magnolia, a squeeze before nodding to Macbeth. They could see Mira and Markarov standing not even ten feet in front of them, waiting patiently, and with a deep breath, he eased up on the illusion slightly, revealing himself and Lucy to the guild master and Mira first.

"Lucy, Macbeth, I'm glad to see you made it back, but where's Erik and Nathair?" Mira asked sweetly, running her gaze over them both. She noticed that Lucy's left hand was tucked behind her back but didn't think much of it. She could feel that something was being hidden, but she trusted that Lucy and Macbeth would reveal what it was soon enough.

"Uhh actually...that's what we needed to talk to you about. The dark guild was taken out without too much trouble, but something did happen and...well..." Lucy trailed off, her writers brain abandoning her for once. This was quite a unique situation, and even she wasn't sure how to explain it.

"Why don't you start from the beginning child?" Markarov encouraged with a smile.

"It actually might be easier to show you first, then explain." Macbeth stated with a huff, exchanging a look with Lucy who merely shrugged.

"Alright then, go ahead." Markarov nodded, watching them closely. He saw them swallow nervously, and then with a wave of his hand the rest of Macbeths illusion fell away, revealing Erik and...Nathair.

"Oh dear." Mira breathed, her baby blue eyes widening in shock, and Markarov could only agree as his facepalmed with a groan.

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"Listen up brats!" Markarov bellowed from his spot on the hand railing of the second floor. He watched as immediately everyone stopped and turned their gazes on him expectantly. Dear gods he was getting too old for this. Taking a deep breath, he let his gaze run over everyone, and prayed that this new event would be understood and accepted immediately.

"Lucy, Erik, Nathair, and Macbeth have made it back from their job, where they successfully took down the dark guild they had gone out to face." The cheer that went up at that had him smiling and raising his hands for quiet which thankfully was quickly received. "Yes yes, that's one less dark guild to worry about, which is always good. Now for some...interesting news. While handling the guild, Nathair was hit by a spell when he attempted his first attack proudly as a Fairy Tail mage."

Cries of concern were voiced, snarls of anger heard as many hands clenched in fury. It was one particular slayers sweet voice that was heard above the others as she climbed onto a table, her eyes and voice full of worry for a friend.

"Where is he? Does he need healing?" Wendy asked, her magic already gathering in her hands, ready to race to the small snakes side.

Ever since Erik had joined the guild with Nathair in tow, many members had found the baby snake sweet and loved cuddling him whenever he slithered around to the various tables while Erik sat at the bar eating and watching over him.

"Thankfully no. Health wise, he's perfectly fine." Markarov assured everyone.

"Then what happened Master?" Erzs asked from her spot at the bar. Even her eyes were filled with worry for the little snake. Seeing that only made Markarov feel more confident that everything would be fine. He didn't know exactly how he had done it, but that little snake had managed to wrap itself around everyones heart, and made it easier for everyone to see that Erik was indeed human, and would benefit from having friends.

"The spell that hit Nathair changed him. Apparently when it was cast, it was done in a language that none of the others knew, not even the mage who cast it, and so they don't know of a way to reverse it. Also, apparently Nathair actually doesn't want it reversed. He feels he'll be better able to help and protect us if he stays the way he is now."

"How did he change?" Laxus grunted, crossing his arms as he leaned back at his teams table, watching his grandfather through narrowed eyes. He could tell the old man was skating around what had happened and so he decided to just cut to through the bullshit and get to the point.

"The spell made him...bigger." Markarov explained, clearing his throat carefully.

"Like full grown? Like an adult snake? How big are we talking?" Levy asked, propping her elbows on the table in front of her with brows furrowed.

"He's definitely...full grown...um...Levy, I'm actually going to be asking you to work with Freed and do some research on the spell once Erik meets with you in a bit. Also I'm going to ask for you to do a bit of research on Nathair himself, see if we can track down just what kind of snake he is." Markarov smiled sweetly, clearing his throat again when he merely received two raised eyebrows.

"Consider it done Master." Levy said, nearly bouncing in her seat and glowing at the prospect of learning something new. Freed nodded in agreement and with a smile of his own.

"Can we see him Master? Just to assure ourselves that he's fine?" Wendy asked.

"Yes, and he'll come in with the others in a moment, but I must warn you to exercise some caution. He may be bigger, but his mental state does not yet match him physically. He is still very much a toddler mentally. And remember, he is still a member of this guild, he is nakama, and while his appearance will be startling, he is still Nathair, the snake that won us all over. He may need protection from others for a while until they get used to him." Markarov stated firmly, waiting until he had received nods from everyone and he saw determination shining bright in all of his childrens eyes. Taking a deep breath, he glanced down to Mira who had been waiting patiently for him. Giving and getting a nod in return, she turned and hurried down the hall way below that led to the training fields to open the door to three mages and a snake. Stepping back quickly, she smiled and nodded at each of them, reaching to rub a soothing hand over Nathair as they passed by.

Entering the main hall, Lucy, Macbeth, and Erik paused on the threshold, watching everyone carefully before continuing to and mounting the stage. Macbeth and Lucy hadn't even given thought to flank Erik, showing their support. The only reason Nathair hadn't been seen yet was because Macbeth had cast one of his illusions over the snake in hopes to protect him until they were in a spot where protecting him would be a bit easier. Mira was quick to follow after them, taking Lucys place when she stepped back a bit.

"Guys? Where's Nathair? Master said he was ok!" Wendy asked as she squeezed through the crowd that had gathered at the edge of the stage. Erik watched carefully as Natsu, Gajeel, and Laxus joined Wendy, watching him just as carefully.

"He here's, he's ok. He's just..." Lucy paused, wetting her lips before continuing. "When you see him, please, keep an open mind, and remember that he isn't to blame for what happened to him. He's still the sweetheart that we've all grown to know and love." With that she stepped back and to the side a bit further before nodding to Macbeth, already knowing that Erik wasn't going to take his gaze off anyone until he knew that Nathair was safe.

Taking another deep breath, another after what already felt like hundreds after this insane night, Macbeth waved his hand, and the space behind Erik wavered for a moment, like there water had been suspended mid air before parting like a curtain, and the cries of shock, and gasps of disbelief had all of them tensing, ready to block any attacks that may come.

Thankfully none did.

Behind him, Nathair was curled up on himself, body tensing and relaxing as he shifted, watching his family nervously. He was a great deal bigger than he was before he'd been hit with that spell, and coiled up like a stack of rope he now reached Eriks shoulders easily, his head resting on the rest of his body. From the top of his head to the tip of his nose, his head could no longer fit in the palm of anyones hand, now the length of his head easily matched the length of Eriks arm, and the width of his body alone matched the size of both of Eriks thighs put together easily. His eyes were much more noticeable now, glowing a vivid neon green, and easily as big as one of Laxus fists. His scales were still a patterned black and gold, and when he carefully lifted his head, now towering over Erik, tilting it one way then another, the rest of the guild could easily see the now much larger Fairy Tail mark that graced his lower throat.

Stretching himself out carefully, Nathair eased his way back to the floor and slid towards the edge of the stage, watching the other slayers carefully. No one had moved yet, everyone watching his every move, and Nathair had been warned by each of them that he had to be careful at first, that many of the members may be scared of him due to his new size.

He didn't want that though. He wanted to be with his friends again, but he wanted to stay how he was now so he could protect his family better. He didn't know why, but instinct was pushing him to approach the young slayer first, keeping his head below hers. Fighting the urge to flick his tongue out and taste the air, he turned back to Erik who nodded at him silently, encouraging him to keep going.

Turning back to the slayers once more, he jerked back in surprise when he saw Wendy nose to nose with him, blinking at him with large eyes. Hearing the quick cough covered chuckle coming from the mage he claimed as his daddy, he was quick to bring the tip of his tail around and sweep Eriks feet out from under him, tongue flicking out quickly in a silent laugh when he landed hard with a thud and yelp. He remembered the way Erik had met him, and knew that was why he had laughed. The giggle that action drew from the young slayer in front of him had him willing to try something that he was still getting used to, and watched those beyond the slayers as he slowly opened his mouth. He wasn't surprised in the slightest almost everyone tensed, preparing for just about anything he would do.

Working a great deal of care, he knew he needed more practice, he focused on what he wanted to do, and hoped it would put everyone at ease.

"A-auntie W-wendy?"

The joy he saw light up her eyes made the effort it took worth it, the gasps from the rest of guild was icing on the cake, and when the young slayer tackled him to nuzzle and purr against him, he didn't even care that he had yelped at the impact.

"Nathair you can talk!" Wendy giggled, pressing kisses all over the top of his head and nose, running gentle fingers over the now hand size scales that decorated his body. And when she saw a hint of pale pink wash over him, she couldn't help but nuzzle him further.

"I was going to before, but I had to get bigger first, and then that spell hit me and now I can because I'm a big boy snake!" He exclaimed, the excitement in his voice infectious, causing many of the men to grin, and the womens hearts to melt. Nathair really was still just a baby, he just got bigger much sooner than anyone expected. "Oh! And I did my first ever attack when I tried to help Daddy with the bad people!"

"You did?" Natsu finally piped up, excitement flaring in his eyes.

"Uhhuh! I tried to do it like I had seen you do it Uncle Natsu!...But it wasn't strong enough..." Nathair trailed off, his head drooping sadly. He heard Wendy trill at him soothingly right before an over warm hand settled on his nose and when he looked up he saw Natsu crouching down next to Wendy, his signature grin on his face.

"It's alright buddy, attacks take practice! And now that you're bigger, I'm sure we'd all be more than happy to help you learn some things. Which attack did you try to do?"

"Your roar, but it didn't come out right. I wonder if it'd be different now that I'm bigger..."

"I'm sure it will be, and I can't wait to see it." Natsu assured him, running a gentle hand along the gold scales over Nathairs eyes.

"Oh! I can sho-"

"Not in here you don't!" Erik finally spoke up, lurching to his feet to stand next to his adopted son. "Any magical attacks that happens need to be done in the training field so you don't wreck the guild, at least until we know just how far your power goes. And Natsu, I don't want to hear you challenging him to a fight, he's still a baby and needs a lot of practice." Erik stated firmly, narrowing his gaze on the fire slayer who merely rolled his eyes.

"No shit, I'm not that much of idiot. I'm no going to fight a child. I'll wait until he gets stronger, and help him in the mean time." Natsu huffed, straightening up to his feet and tucking his hands behind his head before walking away towards Bix and Meredy who were watching him with indulgent smiles.

Sneering at his retreating back, he turned in time to see Nathair wrap around Mira carefully, rubbing his head against her side as she ran a loving hand over his scales, Wendy chattering excitedly next to them, and felt his heart skip a beat. Fuck, he still didn't know what he was going to do about her, but he definitely loved the sight of Nathair like that, and could easily imagine the demon bartender cradling one of their children close. He was so absorbed in that particular daydream that he answered absently when Nathair called out to him.

"Hey Daddy?"

"Yes Nathair?"

"When are you going to claim Momma Mira as your mate?"

The silence that fell over the guild, shortly followed by a thud had him facepalming as he was roughly pulled out of his pleasant daydreams.

"God fucking dammit Nathair, I hadn't told her yet!"

"Oh. Well you should get on it then."


	6. Breaking News!

Back from the...Almost...Dead...

Live from the crazy world that is the inside of sassykittens head, here is the latest news of her current life, and the insanity that has kept her away for far longer than she'd like. Please stay tuned.

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The scene was set, the desire was there, and she could hear the quiet murmurs and gentle taps coming from the kitchen where two unexpected guests had ended up, claiming that it was what she needed. But that wasn't true. What she needed had abandoned her when she had needed it the most.

Her muse.

Sitting curled up on a well worn couch with a blanket tucked around her, a poorly neglected laptop tucked into her lap, tears could be seen trailing down her cheeks as she stared sadly at the still blank page in front of her. It had been months since she had touched a single key of her beloved computer, months since she had argued with her muse to create worlds that others would love. Sure, things had happened that were far beyond her control, but that wasn't the point.

Hearing a boom of thunder echo outside of the living room window, she jolted, tucking down deeper into the blanket draped around her shoulders and lightly sniffed. She didn't know what deities she had pissed off, but the last year had gone out with a rather large 'fuck you' and the new year appeared to be continuing the trend, at least for the next month or two.

The sound of a door being slammed open to hit the wall with a bone jarring crack had her shrieking, jumping and spinning around, nearly falling off the couch, only to come face to face with a rather close, furious face, blue gray eyes cold as death, and sparks flying around him. Whimpering, she was quick to shrink back as far away from the hulking behemoth towering over her. Alas, the couch kept her from going too far, and she found herself cornered against the arm and back.

"What the hell do you think you've been doing you lazy shit?! Haven't even cracked your computer open once until now, and still nothing?! What the fuck is that blank page bullshit?!" The tall blonde male snarled, bending over to growl into her face, not even backing down when her brown eyes behind thick lensed glasses widened, and more tears fell.

The little brown puppy burrowed in another blanket, napping at her feet, leapt up with a snarl to snap at Laxus's face. "Leave her alone, you big meany! She was sick!"

"Laxus! What is your problem?" A smaller decidedly more feminine blond stomped into the room, followed by a one eyed, maroon haired, glaring man.

"Yeah, asshole. You wanna put her back in the hospital or something?" A single purple eye glared at the big blond before the maroon-haired man held a bowl of soup out for the bedridden woman.

Gulping, trembling, the woman reached out to carefully take the bowl, bracing it on her chest even as she reached out for the puppy, scooping it into her lap, running gentle fingers down the bristling spine.

"It's ok Thera, it's ok. I can take it, besides he's not wrong. None of you are, but dammit I should've been able to do something..."

"Well with you feeding her its no wonder she was in the hospital!"

Cringing, the woman ducked her head down before lifting the bowl to her lips, sipping at the just over warm broth. Feeling movement against the neck of her skin, she reached up to run careful fingers over the soft nose of Nathair who had been drawn out of hiding, peeking his head out from under a fold of blanket.

"I'm a damn good cook when I wanna be Spark Plug."

"We are here to help her feel better, unlike some people."

"You two should be just as upset as I am! You are both being left in limbo in all her stories because she is neglecting us!"

"She isn't neglecting us on purpose you overgrown sparking twat-waffle! She almost fucking died!" Erik snarled, hands curling to keep from unleashing possible poison. He had seen Nathair peek his head out, and even now was a bit impressed with the names he could hear the little snake calling Laxus.

"What the hell are you idiots talking about? It's obvious she doesn't care anymore, she's never left any of us for this long before! So, what lame excuse did she give you bleeding hearts to win you over?" Laxus scoffed, arms crossing over his chest even as he continued to stare down at the cowering woman on the couch. His nose twitched slightly as he stared at the still growling brown puppy, trying to find out why the pup seemed so familiar to him. Flicking his eyes up to the small snake staring at him hard, he merely lifted his brow. Here was yet another character that had been neglected, created by the woman herself, and somehow he was in the wrong.

"Pull your big electric head out of your huge ass, Laxus Dreyer." Laxus blinked at the foul mouthed little canine. "For starters you are only seriously limbo-ing in, like, one of her stories right now, and that is Overkill Fieldtrip where you have your little water mage of a mate tucked right against your side. I know, because I put her there! And she has been helping as much as she can while she was hovering on the edge of death!" The puppy crawled up and tucked her head under the woman's chin. "Stupid dragon."

Huffing a little wetly, the woman finished the broth quickly before wrapping both arms around the puppy. "Thank you Therashae, you're a sweetheart." She murmured, continuing to give gentle scritches behind cute floppy ears.

Blinking a little in shock at the name, it took a moment before Laxus' jaw dropped when the name he heard connected.

"Wait, Therashae?! This little brown ball of fluff is Therashae?!" Laxus demanded.

Sighing in a bit of exhaustion, the woman looked up at him with tired eyes. "Yes, this is Therashae. When we visit each other in our own worlds to work with the stupidly stubborn characters that we are absolutely crazy about, we tend to be a bit different. She's more puppy like here, and when I go there, in her world, I turn into a little black kitten that drives her versions of you guys absolutely nuts at times."

"I've poisoned her furless more than once over there." Erik rolled his eyes before plopping down on the other end of the couch, crossing his own arms over his chest. "And yet, like a cockroach, she just keeps coming back. Don't know why the fuck we were so worried about her this time..." The enraged shriek that came from the still standing, smaller blondes soul had him wincing.

"You know why Erik. This was completely different." Lucy snapped, fisting her hands on her hips.

"Ok enough, obviously I'm missing something, what the hell happened?" Laxus demanded, furious gaze darting from one hostile glare to another before falling once more on the tired brown eyes of the woman on the couch.

"Want the long, short, or summary of what has been going on in the crap that is my life right now?" The woman asked with a sardonic smirk.

"Uhh... Summarize it? I really don't do the whole whining, sob story thing."

"Ok, short and to the point then. If it hadn't happened once before, on a much smaller scale, and I hadn't known what to look out for symptom wise, there is a very good chance I would've died in November of last year." The woman said with a shrug, glancing down at the soothing warmth of the ball of fur in her lap, missing the shocked look on the larger blondes face.

""That was, like, two months ago..."

""Hey look, guys! Sparkling dipshit can count! Besides, that wasn't the only crap that happened to her since the end of October, that was just the most severe thing." Erik huffed, scooting down further into the couch as he felt his own twang of guilt. "Look, I damn near reacted like you when I first showed up a few weeks ago, but I had the added benefit of hearing everything that happened in her soul. After that, even I felt like a complete dick, and that doesn't happen. Ever." He admitted, grumbling, casting his eyes to the side.

"Aww! Look, Lucy. Erik's heart is showing. I just wanna give him so many puppy kisses!"

"Do it and suck poison you brown lumped rat!"

"But you're so cute when you have feelings! I bet you taste like candy too! Like caramel! Ooh! Or chicken liver! I bet you taste like chicken liver! Please! Just one kiss! I promise I won't do more than one or ten!"

There was a flash of gold where Virgo appeared, left a bowl full of chicken liver on the couch between them, and disappeared once more.

"Well...looks like you got the chicken liver you wanted..." chuckling softly, the woman placed Therashae next to the bowl, giving her one last pet, before turning back to Laxus. "So...you still want the short and to the point? Or a few more details?"

Laxus watched the little brown puppy happily munch on the fried liver, extremely concerned that his future was in the hands of an insane dog and a slightly dead crying woman. Groaning, he ran his hands roughly over his face before plopping down on the chair that he had been standing next to, he heard Lucy head back into the kitchen. Eyeing the group on the couch, he saw the snake tuck itself back into the folds of blanket around the womans shoulders.

"Alright, so maybe a few more details would be good, but don't take forever, and please for the love of Mavis, don't start crying more than you already are."

Taking a deep breath, the woman nodded before beginning.

"Back in October, I came down sick with some stupid stomach bug that lasted about a week. A week went by, I was fine, then I got sick again, this time with a head cold. Again, lasted roughly a week. It sucked, but no big deal, it's happened before. It was the end of October that things started to go wrong." Pausing for a moment, the woman reached out take a sip of water from the glass Lucy had brought back in before leaning on the couch next to Erik.

"My dear Aunt Flo arrived, again, not really a big deal...until it lasted over a week, and the entire time it was heavy. One week turned into two, had a day or two with nothing, only for it to start again, still very heavy. This continued on throughout all of November. It was severe enough that I ended up in the hospital needing a transfusion of two units of blood. They even put me on medication to stop the bleeding. It didn't work. Roughly a week and a half later, I was back in the hospital after almost feinting at work and getting sick, and was admitted, only to have another transfusion, this time of four units." Pausing for a breath and another drink, she continued.

"So in total, in less than two weeks, I had to have six units of blood put back into me. And I'm fairly certain you're aware that a human body only has about eight units of blood in it. Obviously there was something wrong. After another week or two, it finally stopped. I thought I was in the clear. How wrong I was. About another week to week and a half later, I woke up to sharp stabbing pains, worse than cramps, in my lower right back, stabbing into my front. Back to the emergency room I went, and after getting a cat scan, it was found that I had a 7mm kidney stone in my right kidney, that I could not pass on my own, and was literally backing it up. I was given more medication, sent home, and told that I would be called to set up an appointment to get it handled."

Letting out a tired sigh, she closed her eyes and rolled her head on her shoulders before opening them once more, shrugging at the horrified look on the famed Thunder Gods face.

"The only drawback is it wouldn't have happened until after the first of the year. I still had a week before that happened. The pain became too much, even with the meds, and I went back in two days after Christmas to have an emergency surgery, where I was knocked out, and woke up to having a stent in me. From there I spent over a week with it in me, but finally got it removed. For the record, having a stent in is very uncomfortable, and painful when moving. Imagine the feeling of a uti, but with the knowledge that you don't actually have one. I'm still recovering from those things, and the month isn't done yet. I still have a consult to go go, so I can schedule another surgery to get my own tubes snipped. SO yea, I've been going through a lot the last few months."

"So basically her body tried to drain itself in order to die and escape her brain and when that didn't work it blocked the exits and tried to drown her. Painfully. Impressive really." Lucy slapped the back of Cobra's head. "Ow! Paws off woman!" Shooting a glare over his shoulder at the small blonde, he rubbed the back of his head before turning back to Laxus. "And now she has to cut a chunk of herself out to appease the gods of death and carnage." He was quick to dodge the next swipe Lucy sent after his head, but just barely.

Laxus rubbed his forehead. "OK. So..." The room waited silently for his apology. "Are you done dying now so we can get on with our stories?"

Lucy growled and the puppy pushed it's ears over it's eyes and pinned them there with it's little white paws.

"Shit! Scary Lucy! I'm out!" Erik proofed out of existence just like one of Lucy's spirits.

Chuckling quietly, the woman reached up to pat Lucy's hand. "It's ok Luce, I know he doesn't apologize often. At least now he knows, and I can tell him, and the other readers, that yes, I'm back, and as far as I'm aware, I'm done dying now. It may still take me a bit of time to get back to everything, and I have other ideas that have started planting tiny seeds, but I'm going to be working on updates slowly."

Turning back to Laxus, smirking evilly at the suddenly worried he gave her. "And besides, I'm going to be home for a week after the next, and hopefully last, surgery for a long time. My husband isn't going to let me do much so I'll be working on updates to help fend off boredom."

Patting Lucy on the hand once more, the woman smiled. "Go ahead and head on back, I'll be fine. I'll make sure to call if I need help with anything on my end ok?"

"You'd better. I have no qualms siccing Virgo on you if needed to make sure you do." Giving a quick sniff, Lucy disappeared like Erik had in a poof. Smiling gently, the woman lifted the little brown pup to give it an eskimo kiss. "Thank you for your help Therashae, I'll make sure to yell if I need help. I should be fine for now though, if you want to take this story and share it with the readers of Overkill?"

"Okie Dokie. Can do. Rest up good so we can do awesome stuff with all the dragon slayers making sexy eyes at their mates!" With a quick lick to the womans cheeks, Therashae the pup poofed out, a roll of paper clamped between her teeth. Turning back to the large blonde still sitting closed by, the woman began to smirk and suddenly Laxus felt very, very nervous.

"That's right Laxus, be nervous. Because come January 29th, I will be going through what will hopefully be the last of my surgeries for a VERY long time. And when that happens, I'll be on mandatory bed rest, leaving me with roughly a week or two to come up with all sorts of things to get back at you with. So just you wait, and be nervous, be very nervous."

He gulped.

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That's right folks, what will hopefully be my last surgery for a good long time, will be happening on January 29th, and once I've recovered from that, no longer will I have to worry when dear Aunt Flo will pay a visit and potentially hospitalize me again. So please bear with me, I'm trying to get in what updating I can between now and then, and will then have roughly 2 weeks of bedrest to hopefully, finally, make some updates. Thank you all for you time!

 **Nathair flicks his tongue out in a silent wave**


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